[begin page 157]

Days and days went by, now, and no Satan. It was dull without him. But Father Adolf was around braving public opinion in his impudent way and getting a stone in the middle of his back now and then when some witch-hater got a safeⒶalteration in the MS chance to throw it and dodge out of sight. Meantime two influences had been working well for Marget. Satan, who was quite indifferent to her, had stopped going to her house, and this had hurt her pride and she had set herself the task of banishing him from her heart; the reports of WilhelmⒶalteration in the MS Meidling's dissipation brought to her from time to time byⒶalteration in the MS old Ursula had touched her with remorse, she being the cause of it; and so now, these two matters working upon herⒶalteration in the MS together, she wasⒶalteration in the MS getting a good profit out of the combination: her interest in Satan was steadily cooling, her interest in Wilhelm as steadily warming. All that was needed to complete her conversion was that Wilhelm should brace up and do something that should cause favorable talk and incline the public toward him again.

The opportunity came, now. Marget sent and asked him to defend her uncleⒶemendation in the approaching trial, and he was greatly pleased, and stopped drinking and began his preparations with diligence. With more diligence than hope, in fact, for it was not a promising case. He had many interviews in his office with Seppi and me, and thrashed out our testimony pretty thoroughly, thinking to find some valuable grains among the chaff, but the harvest was poorⒶalteration in the MS, of course.

If Satan would only come! That was my constantⒶalteration in the MS thought. He could invent some way to win the case; for he had said it would be won, so he necessarily knew how it could be done. But the days dragged on, and still he did not come. Of course I did not doubt that it would win, and that Father Peter would be happy for the rest of his life, since Satan had said so; yet I knew IⒶalteration in the MS should be much more comfortable if he would come and tell us how to manage it. It [begin page 158] was getting high time for Father Peter to have a saving change toward happiness, for by general report he was worn out with his imprisonment and the ignominy that was burdening him, and was like to die of his miseries unless he got relief soon.

At last the trial came on, and the people gathered from all around to witness it; among them many strangers from considerable distances. Yes, everybody was there, except the accused. He was too feeble in body for the strain. But Marget was present, and keeping up her hope and her spirit the best she could.Ⓐalteration in the MS

The money was present, too.Ⓐalteration in the MS It was emptied on the table, and was handled and caressed and examined by such as were privileged.

Father Adolf was put in the witness box.

Question. You claim that this money is yours?

Answer. I do.

Q. How did you come by it?

A. I found the bag in the road when I was returning from a journey.

Q. When?

A. More than two years ago.

Q. What did you do with it?

A. I brought it home and hid it in a secret place in my study, intending to find the owner if I could.

Q. You endeavored to find him?

A. I made diligent inquiryⒶalteration in the MS during several months, but nothing came of it.

Q. And then?

A. I thought it not worth while to look further, and was minded to use the money in finishing the wing of the foundling asylum connected with the priory and nunnery. So I took it out of its hiding-place and counted it to see if any of it was missing. And then—

Q. Why do you stop? Proceed.

A. I am sorry to have to say this, but just as I had finished and was restoring the bag to its place, I looked up and there stood Father Peter behind me.

[begin page 159]

Several murmured, “That looks bad,” but others answered, “Ah, but he is such a liar!”

Q. That made you uneasy?

A. No, I thought nothing of it at the time, for Father Peter often came in unannounced to ask for a little help in his need.

Marget blushed crimson at hearing her uncle falsely and impudently charged with begging, and was going to speak, but remembered herself in time and held her peace.

Q. Proceed.

A. In the end I was afraid to contribute the money to the foundling asylum, but elected to wait yet another year and continue my inquiries. When I heard ofⒶalteration in the MS Father Peter's find I was glad, and no suspicions entered my mind; when I came home a day or two later and discovered that my own money was gone I still did not suspect, until three circumstances connected with Father Peter's good fortune struck me as being singular coincidences.

Q. Pray name them.

A. Father Peter had found his money in a path—I had found mine in a road. Father Peter's find consisted exclusively of gold ducats—mine also. Father Peter found eleven hundred and seven ducats—I exactly the same.

ThisⒶalteration in the MS closed his evidence; and certainly it made a strong impression on the house; one could see that.Ⓐalteration in the MS

WilhelmⒶalteration in the MS Meidling asked him some questions, then called us boys, and we told our tale. It made the people laugh, and we were ashamed. We were feeling pretty badly anyhow, because Wilhelm was hopeless, and showed it. He was doing as well as he could, poor young fellow, but nothing was in his favor, and such sympathy as there was was now plainlyⒶalteration in the MS not with his client. It might be difficult for court and people to believe FatherⒶemendation Adolf's story, considering his character, but it was almost impossible to believe FatherⒶemendation Peter's. We were already feeling badly enough, but when FatherⒶemendation Adolf's lawyer said he believed he would not ask us any questions, for our story was a little delicate and it would be cruel for him toⒶalteration in the MS put any strain upon it, everybody tittered, and it was almost more than we [begin page 160] could bear. Then he made a sarcastic little speech, and got so much fun out of our tale, and made it seemⒶalteration in the MS so ridiculous and childish and every way impossible and foolish that it made everybody laugh till the tears came; and at last Marget could not keep up her courage any longer,Ⓐalteration in the MS but broke down and cried, and I was so sorry for her.

Now I noticed something that braced me up.Ⓐalteration in the MS It was Satan, standing alongside of Wilhelm! And there was such a contrast: Satan looked so confident,Ⓐalteration in the MS had such a spirit in his eyes and face, and Wilhelm looked so depressed and despondent. We twoⒶalteration in the MS were comfortableⒶalteration in the MS now, and judged that he would testify, and would persuadeⒶalteration in the MS the bench and the people that black was white and white blackⒶalteration in the MS, or any other color he wanted it. We glanced around to see what the strangers in theⒶalteration in the MS house thought of him, for he was beautifulⒶalteration in the MS, you know; stunning, in fact;Ⓐalteration in the MS but no one was noticing him; so we knew by that that he was invisible.

That lawyer was saying his last words; and while he was saying them Satan began to melt into Wilhelm. He melted into him and disappeared; and then there was a change, when his spirit began to look out of Wilhelm's eyes.Ⓐalteration in the MS

That lawyer finished quite seriously, and with dignity. He pointed to the money, and said—

“The love of it is the root of all evil. There it lies, the ancient tempter, newly red with the shame of its latest victory—the dishonor of a priest of God and of his twoⒶalteration in the MS poor juvenileⒶalteration in the MS helpers in crime. If it could but speak, let us hope that it would be constrained to confess that of all its conquests this was the basest and the most pathetic.”

He sat down. Wilhelm rose, and said—

“From the testimony of the reverend FatherⒶemendation Adolf I gather that he found this money in a road more than two years ago. Correct me, sir, if I misunderstood you.”

Father Adolf said his understanding of it was correct.

“And that the money so found was never out of his hands thenceforth up to a certain definite date—the last day of last year. Correct me, sir, if I am wrong.”

[begin page 161]

Father Adolf nodded his head. Wilhelm turned to the bench and said—

“If I prove that this money here was not that money, then it is not his?”

“Certainly not; but this is irregular. If you had such a witness it was your duty to give properⒶalteration in the MS notice of it and have him here to—” He broke off and began to consult with the other judges. Meantime that other lawyer got up excited and began to protest against allowing new witnesses to be brought into the case at this late stage.

The judges decided that his contention was just and must be allowed.Ⓐalteration in the MS

“But this is not a new witness,” said Wilhelm. “It has already been partly examined. I speak of the coin.”

“The coin? What can the coin say?”

“It can say it is not the coin that FatherⒶemendation Adolf once possessed. It can say it was not in existence last December. By its date it can say this.”

And it was so! There was the greatest excitement in the court while that lawyer, and FatherⒶemendation Adolf and the judges were reaching for coins and examining them and exclaiming. And everybody was full of admiration of Wilhelm's brightness in happening to think of that neat idea. At last order was called and the court said—

“All of the coins but four are of the date of the present year. The court tenders its sincereⒶalteration in the MS sympathy to the accused, and its deep regret that he, an innocent man, should throughⒶalteration in the MS an unfortunate mistake have suffered the undeservedⒶalteration in the MS humiliation of imprisonment and trial. The case is dismissed.”

So the money could speak, after all, though that lawyer thought it couldn't. The court rose, and almost everybody came forwardⒶalteration in the MS to shake hands with MargetⒶalteration in the MS and congratulate herⒶalteration in the MS and then to shake with Wilhelm and praise him; and Satan had stepped out of Wilhelm and was standing around looking on full of interest, and people walking through him every which way, not knowing he was there. And Wilhelm could not explain why he only thought of the date on the coins at the last moment, instead of earlier; he said it [begin page 162] just occurred to him all of a sudden, like an inspiration, and he brought it right out without any hesitation, for although he hadn't examined the coins he seemed somehowⒶalteration in the MS to know it was true. That was honest of him, and like him; another would have pretended he had thought of it earlier, and was keeping it back for a surprise.

He had dulled down a little, now; notⒶalteration in the MS much, but still you could notice that he hadn't that luminous look in his eyesⒶalteration in the MS that he had while Satan was in him. He nearly got it back, though, for a moment, when MargetⒶalteration in the MS came and praised him and thanked him, and couldn'tⒶalteration in the MS keep himⒶalteration in the MS from seeing how proud she was of him. Father Adolf went off dissatisfied and cursing, and Solomon Isaacs gathered up the money and carried it away.Ⓐtextual note It was Father Peter's for good and all, now.

[ ] Ⓐtextual note

Satan was gone. I judged that he had spirited himself to the jail to tell the prisoner the news; and in this I was right. Marget and the rest of us hurried thither at our best speed, in a great state of rejoicing.

Well, what Satan had done was this. He had appeared before that poor prisoner exclaiming—

“The trial is over, and you stand forever disgraced as a thief—by verdict of the court!”

The shock unseated the old man's reason.Ⓔexplanatory note When we arrived, ten minutes later, he was parading pompously up and down and delivering commands to this and that and the other constable or jailor, andⒶtextual note calling them Grand Chamberlain, and Prince ThisⒶalteration in the MS and Prince ThatⒶemendation, and Admiral of the Fleet, and Field Marshal in Command, and all such fustian, and was as happyⒶalteration in the MS as a bird. He thought he was Emperor!

Marget flung herself on his breast and cried, and indeed everybody was moved, almost to heart-break. He recognised Marget, but could not understand why she should cry. He patted her on the shoulder and said—

“Don't do it, dear; remember, there are witnesses, and it is not becoming in the Crown PrincessⒶalteration in the MS. Tell me your trouble—it shall be mended; there is nothing the Emperor cannot do.” Then he looked [begin page 163] around and saw old Ursula with her apron to her eyes. He was puzzledⒶalteration in the MS at that, and said, “And what is the matter with you?”

Through her sobs she got out words explaining that she was distressed to see him—“so.” He reflected over that a moment, then muttered, as if to himself, “A singular old thing, the Dowager Duchess—means well, but is alwaysⒶalteration in the MS snuffling, and never able to tell what it is about. It is because she doesn't know.” His eye fell on Wilhelm. “Prince of India,” he said, “I divine that it is you that the Crown Princess is concerned about. Her tears shall be dried; I will no longer stand between you; she shall share your throne; and between you, you shall inherit mine. There, little lady, have I done well? you can smile, now—isn't it so?”

He petted Marget, and kissed her, and was so contented with himself and with everybody, that he could not do enough for us all, but began to give away kingdoms and such things right and left, and the least that any of us got was a principality. And so at last being persuaded to go home, he marched in imposing state, and when the crowds along the way saw how it gratified him to be hurrah'd at, they humored him to the top of his desire, and he responded with condescending bows and gracious smiles, and often stretched out a hand and said “Bless you, my people.”

As pitiful a sight as ever I saw. And Marget and old Ursula crying, all the way.

On my road home I came upon Satan, and reproached him for deceiving me with that lie. He was not embarrassed, but said, quite simply and composedly—

“Ah, you mistake—it was the truth. I said he would be happy the rest of his days, and he will. For he will always think he is the Emperor, and his pride in it and his joy in it will endure to the end. He is now, and will remain, the one utterly happy person in this Empire.”

“But the method of it, Satan,Ⓐalteration in the MS the method! Couldn't you have done it without depriving him of his reason?”

It was difficult to irritate Satan, but that accomplished it.

“What an ass you are!” he said. “Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combi- [begin page 164] nation ? No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those. The few that imagine themselves kings or gods are happy, the rest are no happier than the sane. Of course no man is entirely in his right mind at any time, but I have been referring to the extreme cases. I have taken from this man that trumpery thing which the race regards as a Mind; I have replaced his tin life with a silver-gilt fiction; you seeⒶalteration in the MS the result—and you criticise!Ⓐalteration in the MS I said I would make him permanently happy, and I have done it. I have made him happy by the only means possible to his race—and you are not satisfied!” He heaved a discouraged sigh, and said, “It seems to me that this race is hard to please.”

There it was, you see. He didn't seem to know any way to do a person a favor except by killing him or making a lunatic out of him. I apologised, as well as I could; but privately I did not think much of his processes. At that time.

[ ] Ⓐtextual note

Satan was accustomedⒶtextual note to say that our race lived a life of continuous and uninterrupted self-deception. It duped itself from cradle to grave with shams and delusions which it mistook for realities, and this made its entire life a sham. Of the score of fine qualities which it imagined it had, and was vain of, it really possessed hardly one. It regarded itself as gold, and was only brass. One day when he was in this vein, he mentioned a detail—the sense of humor. I cheered up, then, and took issue. I said we possessed it.

“There spoke the race!” he said; “always ready to claim what it hasn't got, and mistake its ounce of brass filings for a ton of gold dust. You have a bastard perceptionⒶalteration in the MS of humor, nothing more;Ⓐalteration in the MS a multitudeⒶalteration in the MS of you possess that.Ⓐalteration in the MS This multitudeⒶalteration in the MS see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and trivial things—broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueriesⒶemendation, absurdities, evokers of the horse-laugh. The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision, they are unconscious of their presence. The ten thousand are hid from the entire race.”

By request he proceeded to name some of them.

“No religion exists which is not littered with engaging and [begin page 165] delightful comicalities, but the race never perceives them. Nothing can be more deliciously comical than hereditary royalties and aristocracies, but none except royal families and aristocrats are aware of it.”

“Are they?”

“Oh, aren't they! Often they cannot sleep for laughing at their dependentsⒶemendation. It would surprise you to know the names they privately call them by.”

“But republics and democracies see, don't they?”

“Oh, no—Ⓐalteration in the MSand never will. While they scoff with their mouths they reverence them in their hearts. That democrat will never live who will marry a democrat into his family when he can get a duke.Ⓐalteration in the MS All forms of government—including republican and democratic—are rich in funny shams and absurdities, but their supporters do not see it.”

It took him an hour to list a lot of the comicalities which the race is not capable of perceiving, then he left off. He said it would take him a month to name the rest.

Intercourse with him had colored my mind, of course, he being a strong personality and I a weak one; therefore I was inclined to think his position correct, but I did not say it. I only said our race was progressing, and that in time its sense of humor would develop to a point where it would enable us to perceive many things which we cannot see now.

But he only made fun of that idea, and said—

“The race had as much humor-perception when it was created as it has now, and it will never have any more. Look at the Pope's infallibility. Does any one see the humor of that? Not a soul, except the Pope and the Conclave. Look at his loosing-and-binding authority—which is not confined to earth, but which even God on His throne is obliged to submit to—as per the claim. Does any one see the humor of that? Not a soul outside the Vatican. Heretics rage about it, but no one laughs at it. Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them—and by laughing at them destroy them? For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, [begin page 166] Money, Persuasion, Supplication, Persecution—these can lift at a colossalⒶalteration in the MS humbug,—push it a little—crowd it a little—weaken it a little, century by century: but only Laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast.Ⓐalteration in the MS Against the assault of Laughter nothing can stand. You are always fussingⒶalteration in the MS and fighting with your other weapons: do you ever use that one? No, you leave it lying rusting. As a race, do you ever use it at all? No—you lack sense andⒶalteration in the MS the courage. Once in an age a single hero lifts it, delivers his blow, and a hoary humbug goes to ruin. Before this century closes, Robert Burns, a peasant, will break the back of the Presbyterian Church with it, and set ScotlandⒶalteration in the MS free. I ask you again: will a day come when the race will have so developed its humor-perception as to be able to detectⒶalteration in the MS the funniness of Papal Infallibility and God-subordinating Papal Authority?”

“I think so.”

“When?”

“Well, not in my time, maybe, but in a century, anyway.”

A newspaper flashed into his hand.

“Not in two centuries,” he said. “I will prove it. Two centuriesⒶalteration in the MS from now, a king of Italy will be assassinated. He will be under excommunication at the time—that is to say, damned to perdition by the Pope; and whom the Pope damns, Heaven itself is impotent to save—as per the claim. Here is a journal which will issue from the press in those days; we may cull from it some historical facts in advance of their occurrence; details that are full of hideous humor, but in that day the race will be as unconscious of it as it would be to-day. In her grief the widowed Queen will compose a prayer. What will she do with it? Prostrate herself and pour it into the ear of God? No. Being a good Catholic, she will know the forms of holy etiquette better. She will submit it to a Bishop, in the hope that through his influence she may get permission to pray it, in case it shall be found to be a proper kind of prayer—and regular. Is that funny? Your race will not suspect it. The Bishop will inspect the prayer, dissect it, analyse it, submit it to an ecclesiastical fire-assay, and will decide that it is innocuous. He will then lay it before the Pope, together with his expert-report and the mourner's supplica- [begin page 167] tion for permission to pray it. Now it is not good form to intrude my uncle's acquired subjectsⒶalteration in the MS upon the Deity's attention, and the Pope will know that; but being a kind-hearted old man he will waive etiquette for charity's sake, and ‘by his express sanction’Ⓐemendation the widow will get leave to say her prayer—at last. This is an utter and thorough endorsement of the prayer by an authorityⒶalteration in the MS whose judgments are infallible and whose verdicts cannot be set aside by any Power in heaven or earth. The Pope will carry his generosity still further: he will order fifty pulpits to pump that same prayer into heaven. Why? If it is bad form to allow one person to intrude a subject of Satan upon the Deity's attention, is it better form to set fifty at it? Will the people of that day see the grotesqueness of the situation? No, they will contemplate it with petrified gravity. Next, ‘the French clerical press’ will ‘complain that the interests of the ChurchⒶalteration in the MS are compromised by this display of Christian spirit,’ and the Pope's note will be ‘abruptlyⒶalteration in the MS changed.’ The official organ of the Vatican will announce that the religious services for the dead King were ‘tolerated,’ but that the Queen's prayer must be suppressed as ‘incompatible with the Holy Liturgy.’ It will be considered ‘impolitic’ to show Christian gentleness to a sorrowing widow, and so ‘the concession which was made to her’ will beⒶalteration in the MS ‘rudely withdrawn.’ This is Papal ‘infallibility.’ Will the humor of it be perceived? No—not by the public. Meantime the prayer has been received in heaven from fifty-one sources—and recorded. The record will be meekly expunged—by order from below. Is that funny—or isn't it? I think it is; in fact I know it is; but none of your race will find it out. Why don't you laugh?”

I said I was too much hurt to laugh. I said our religion was our stay, our solace and our hope; it was the most precious thing we had, and I could not bear to hear its sacred servants derided.

I think it touched him; for he became gentle and kind at once, and set about banishing my trouble from my mind. It did not take him long—it never did. He flashed me around the globe, stopping an hour or a week, at intervals, in one or another strange country, and doing the whole journey in a few minutes by the clock, and I was in a condition of contentment before we had covered the first [begin page 168] stage. Satan was always good and considerate, that way. He liked to rough a person up, but he liked to smooth him down again just as well.

We stopped at a little city in India and looked on while a juggler did his tricks before a group of natives. They were wonderful, but I knew Satan could beat that game, and I begged him to show off a little, and he said he would. He changed himself into a native, in turban and breech-clout, and very considerately conferred on me a temporary knowledge of the language.

The juggler exhibited a seed, covered it with earth in a small flower-pot, then put a rag over the pot; after a minute the rag began to rise; in ten minutes it had risen a foot; then the rag was removed and a little tree was exposed, which hadⒶemendation leaves upon it and ripe fruit. We ate the fruit, and it was good. But Satan said—

“Why do you cover the pot? Can't you grow the tree in the sunlight?”

“No,” said the juggler; “no one can do that.”

“You are only an apprentice; you don't know your trade. Give me seed—I will show you.”

He took the seed, and said—

“What shall I raise from it?”

“It is a cherry seed; of course you will raise a cherry.”

“Oh, no—that is a trifle; any novice can do it. Shall I raise an orange tree from it?”

“Oh, yes!” and the juggler laughed.

“And shall I make it bear other fruits as well as oranges?”

“If God wills!” and theyⒶemendation all laughed.

Satan put the seed on the ground, put a handful of dust on it, and said—

“Rise!”

A tiny stem shot up and began to grow; and grew so fast thatⒶalteration in the MS in five minutes it was a great tree and we were sitting in the shade of it. There was a murmur of wonder, then all looked up and saw a strange and pretty sight; for the branches were heavy with fruits of many kinds and colors—oranges, grapes, bananas, peaches, cherries, apricots and so on. Baskets were brought, and the unlad- [begin page 169] ing of the tree began; and the people crowded around Satan and kissed his hand, and praised him, calling him the prince of jugglers. The news went about the town, and everybody came running to see the wonder—and they remembered to bring baskets, too. But the tree was equal to the occasion; it put out new fruits as fast as any were removed; baskets were filled by the score and by the hundred, but always the supply remained undiminished. At last a foreigner in white linen and sun-helmet arrived, and exclaimed angrily—

“Away from here! Clear out, you dogs; the tree is on my lands, and is my property.”

The natives put down their baskets and made humble obeisance. Satan made humble obeisance, too, with his fingers to his forehead, in the native way, and said—

“Please let them have their pleasure for an hour, sir—only that, and no longer. Afterward you may forbidⒶalteration in the MS them; and you will still have more fruit than you and the State together can consume in a year.”

This made the foreigner very angry, and he cried out—

“Who are you, you vagabond,Ⓐalteration in the MS to tell your betters what they may do and what they mayn't!” and he struckⒶalteration in the MS Satan with his caneⒺexplanatory note and followed this error with a kick.

The fruits rotted on the branches, and the leaves withered and fell.

The foreigner gazed at the bare limbs with the look of one who is surprised, and not gratified. Satan said—

“Take good care of the tree, for its health and yours are bound up together. It will never bear again, but if you tend it well it will live long. Water its roots once in each hour every night—and do it yourself, it must not be done by proxy, and to do it in daylight will not answer. If you fail only once in any night, the tree will die, and you likewise. Do not go home to your own country any more—you would not reach there; make no business or pleasure engagements which require you to go outside your gate at night—you cannot afford the risk;Ⓐalteration in the MS do not rent or sell this place—it would be injudicious.”

The foreigner was proud, and wouldn't beg, but I thought he [begin page 170] looked as if he would like to. While he stood gazing at Satan, we vanished away and landed in Ceylon.

I was sorry for that man; sorry Satan hadn't been his customary self and killed him. It would have been a mercy. Satan overheard the thought, and said—

“I would have done it, but for his wife, who has not offended me.Ⓐalteration in the MS She is coming to him presently from their native land, Portugal. She is well, but has not long to live, and has been yearning to see him and persuade him to go back with her next year. She will die without knowing he can't leave that place.”

“He won't tell her?”

“He? He will not trust that secret with any one; he will reflect that it could be revealed in sleep, in the hearing of some Portuguese guest's servant, some time or other.”

“Did none of those natives understand what you said to him?”

“None of them understood, but he will always be afraid that some of them did. That fear will be a torture to him; for he has been a harsh master to them. In his dreams he will imagine them chopping his tree down. That will make his days uncomfortable—I have already arranged for his nights.”

It grieved me, though not sharply, to see him take such a malicious satisfaction in his plans for this foreigner.

“Does he believe what you told him, Satan?”

“He thought he didn't, but our vanishing helped. The tree, where there had been no tree before—that helped. The insane and uncanny variety of fruits—the sudden withering—all these things are helps. Let him think as he may, reason as he may, one thing is certain—he will water the tree. But between this and night he will begin his changed career with a very natural precaution—for him.”

“What is that?”

“He will fetch a priest to cast out the tree's devil. You are such a humorous race—and don't suspect it.”

“Will he tell the priest?”

“No. He will say a juggler from Bombay created it, and that he wants the juggler's devil driven out of it, so that it will thrive and [begin page 171] be fruitful again. The priest's incantations will fail; then the Portuguese will give up that scheme and get his watering-pot ready.”

“But the priest will burn the tree. I know it; he will not allow it to remain.”

“Yes, and anywhere in Europe he would burn the man, too. But in India the people are civilized, and these things will not happen. The man will drive the priest away and take care of the tree.”

I reflected a little, then said—

“Satan, you have given him a hard life, I think.”

“Comparatively. It must not be mistaken for a holiday.”

“What is the man doing now?”

“Sorrowing. Sorrowing, and getting ready for the night. He will sit with his clothes on and an alarm-clock at his elbow. Last night he slept in a bed for the last time in this life—at night, I mean.”

“Satan, it is horrible!”

“Comparatively. To-morrow he will lay in fifteen alarm-clocks; he will never trust his life to one, nor to half a dozen.”

“What will he tell his wife when she comes?”

“Several quite excusable lies.”

“Won't the alarm clocks disturb her, when they all go off at once?”

“Along at first, yes. They will make her jump out of bed. Eight times the first night. She will go and expostulate with her husband, and complain that her sleep is too periodical. He will explain—with lies—saying he is engaged in important scientific experiments; and he will plead with her to be patient with them and learn to love them, for his sake. And he will pet her and persuade her. But this cannot last for long.”

“No, I believe it.”

“The third day she will go and destroy the clocks while he is taking his sleep. He will be frightened nearly to death whenⒶalteration in the MS he wakes and learns of his disaster; and she will be so moved by his distress that she will go and buy a new outfit of clocks herself, and will let him have his way after that.”

“But she will pine away with loss of sleep, and die,Ⓐalteration in the MS Satan.”

[begin page 172]

“No, she will accommodate her life to the new circumstances. She will sleep in the daytime, and sit up with him, nights. She will thus have his society and be quite content. She will never quite get the hang of his experiments, but he will make her believe that in time they will restore the tree, and make it the marvel and wonder it was at first, and people will cross the ocean to see it. Then she willⒶalteration in the MS be interested, and will offer to do the watering herself, but will be excused.”

“Poor thing!”

“No, not she. She will be happy, and proud of her scientific husband, and hopefully expectant of his success until her latest day—and that is not far off.”

“God keep her in ignorance!”

“Her husband will assist.”