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Mr. A. Ward,

Dear Sir:—Wellhc, I called on good-natured, garruloushc old Simon Wheeler, and Ihc inquired after your friendhc Leonidas W. Smileyhc, as you requested mehc to do, and I hereunto append the result. If you can get any information out of it you are cordially welcome to it.hc I have a lurkinghc suspicion that your Leonidas W. Smileyhc is a myth—that you neverhc knew such a personage, and that you onlyhc conjectured that if I asked old Wheeler about him it would remind him of his infamoushc Jim Smileyhc, and he would go to work and bore me nearly tohc death with some infernalhc reminiscence of him as long and tedioushc as it should be useless to me. If that was your design, Mr. Ward, it will gratify you to know that ithc succeeded.

I found Simon Wheeler dozing comfortably by the bar-room stove of the little oldhc dilapidated tavern in the ancienthc mining camp of Boomerangehc, and I noticed that he was fat and bald-headed, and had an expression of winning gentleness and simplicity upon his tranquil countenance. He roused up and gave me good-day. I told him a friend of mine had commissioned me to make some inquiries about a cherished companion of his boyhood named Leonidas W. Smileyhc—Rev. Leonidas W. Smileyhc—a young minister of the gospel, who he had heardhc was at one time a resident of this village of Boomeranghc. I added that if Mr. Wheeler could tell me anything about this Rev. Leonidas W. Smileyhc, I would feel under many obligations to him.te

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Simon Wheeler backed me into a corner and blockaded me there with his chair—and then sattehc down and reeled off the monotonous narrative which follows this paragraphhc. He never smiled, he never frowned, he never changed his voice from the quiet, gently-flowinghc key to which he turnedte thehc initial sentence, he never betrayed the slightest suspicion of enthusiasm—but all through the interminable narrative there ran a vein of impressive earnestness and sincerity, which showed me plainly that so far from his imagining that there was anything ridiculous or funny about his story, he regarded it as a really important matterhc, and admired its two heroes as men of transcendent genius in finessehc. To me, the spectacle of a man drifting serenely along through such a queer yarn without ever smiling was exquisitely absurd. As I said before, I asked him to tell me what he knew of Rev. Leonidas W. Smileyhc, and he replied as follows. Ihc let him go on in his own way, and never interrupted him once:

---

Therehc was a feller here once by the name of Jim Smileyhc, in the winter of '49—or maybe it was the spring of '50—I don't recollect exactly, some how, though what makes me think it was one or the other is because I remember the big flume wasn'thc finished when he first comehc to the camp; but anyway, he was the curiosest man about always betting on anythinge that turned up you ever see, if he could get anybody to bet on the other side, and if he couldn't he'd change sides—hcany way thathc suited the other man would suit himhc—any way just so's he got a bet, he was satisfied. But still, he was lucky—uncommon lucky; he most always come out winner. He was always ready and laying for a chance; there couldn't be no solitryhc thing mentioned but whathc that feller'd offerhc to bet on it—and take anyhc side you please, as I was just telling you: if there was a horse race, you'd find him flushhc or youhc find him bustedte at the end of it; if there was a dog-fight, he'd bet on it; if there was a cat-fight, he'd bet on it; if there was a chicken-fight, he'd bet on it; why if there was two birds settinghc on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first—or if there was a camp-meeting he would be there reglarhc to bet on parson Walker, which he judged to be the best exhorter about here, and so he was, too, and a good man; if he even seehc a straddle-bug start to go any wheres, he

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would bet you how long it would take him to gethc wherever he was going to, and if you took him up he would follerhc that straddle-bug to Mexico but what he would find out where he was bound for and how long he was on the roadhc. Lots of the boys here has seen that Smileyhc and can tell you about him. Why, it never made no difference to him—he wouldhc bet on anythinghc—the dangdest feller. Parson Walker's wife laid very sick, once, for a good while, and it seemedhc as if they warn't going to save herhc; but one morning he come in and Smileyhc asked himhc how she was, and he said she was considerablehc better—thank the Lord for his inf'nit mercy—and coming on so smart that with the blessing of Providencehc she'd get well yet—and Smileyhc, before he thought, sayshc, “Well, I'll reskhc two-and-a-half thathc she don't, anyway.”

Thish-yer Smileyhc had a mare—the boys called her the fifteen-minute nag, but that was only in fun, you know, because, of course,hc she was faster than that—and he used to win money on that horse, for all she was so slow and always had the asthma, or the distemperhc, or the consumption, or something of that kind. They used to give her two or three hundred yards' start, and then pass her under way; but always at the fag-end of the race she'd get excited and desperate-like, and come cavorting and spraddlinghc up, and scattering her legs around limber, sometimes in the air, and sometimes out to one side amongst the fences, and kicking up m-o-r-e dust, and raising m-o-r-e racket with her coughing and sneezing and blowing her nosete—and alwayshc fetch up at the stand just about a neck ahead, as near as you could cipher it down.hc

And he had a little small bull-pup, that to look at him you'd think he warn'thc worth a cent, buthc to set around and look orneryhc, and lay for a chance to steal something. But as soon as money was up onhc him he was a different dog—his under-jaw'd begin to stick out like the for'castlehc of a steamboathc, and his teeth would uncover, and shine savage like the furnaceshc. Andhc a dog might tackle him, and bully-rag him, and bite him, and throw him over his shoulder two or three times, and Andrew Jackson—which was the name of the pup—Andrew Jackson would never let on but what hehc was satisfied, and hadn't expected nothing else—and the bets being doubled and doubled on the other side all the time, till the money was all up—and then all of a sudden he would grab that other dog justhc by the jointhc of his hind legshc and freeze to

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it—not chaw, you understand, but only justhc grip and hang on till they throwed up the sponge, if it was a year. Smileyhc always camehc out winner on that pup till he harnessedhc a dog once that didn't have no hind legs, because they'd been sawedhc off inhc a circular saw, and when the thing had gone along far enough, and the money was all up, and he camehc to make a snatch for his pet holt, he sawhc in a minute how he'd been imposed on, and howhc the other dog had him in the door, so to speak, and he 'peared surprised, and then he looked sorter discouraged like, and didn't try no more to win the fight, and so he got shucked out bad. He gavehc Smileyhc a look as much as to say his heart was broke, and it was his fault, for putting up a dog that hadn't no hind legs for him to take holt of, which was his main dependence in a fight, and then he limped off a piece, and laidhc down and died. It was a good pup, was that Andrew Jackson, and would have made a name for hisself if he'd lived, for the stuff was in him, and he had genius—I know it, because he hadn't had no opportunities to speak of, and it don't stand to reasonhc that a dog could make such a fight as he could under them circumstances, if he hadn't no talent.hc It always makes me feel sorry when Ihc think of that last fight of his'onhc, and the way it turned out.

Well, thish-yer Smileyhc had rat-terriershc and chicken cocks, and tom-cats, and all them kind of things, till you couldn't rest, and you couldn't fetch nothing for him to bet on but he'd match you. He ketched a frog one day and took him home and said he cal'latedhc to educatehc him; and so he never done nothing for three months but set in his back yard and learn that frog to jump. And you bet you he did learn him, too. He'd give him a little hunchhc behind, and the next minute you'dhc see that frog whirling in the air like a doughnut—see him turn one summerset, or maybe a couple, if he got a good start, and comehc down flat-footed and all right, like a cat. He got him up so in the matter of ketchinghc flies, and kepthc him in practice so constant, that he'd nail a fly every time as farhc as he could see him. Smileyhc said all a frog wanted was education, and he could do mosthc anything—and I believe him. Why, I've seen him sethc Dan'l Webster down here on thishc floor—Dan'l Webster was the name of the frogan—and sing out, “Flies!hc Dan'l, flies,hc” and quicker'n you could wink, he'd springhc straight up, and snake a fly off'n the counter there, and flop down on the

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floor againhc as solid as a gob of mud, and fall to scratching the side of his head with his hind foot as indifferent as if he hadn't no idea he'd donehc any more'n any frog might do.tehc You never see a frog so modest and straightfor'ard as he was, for all he was so gifted. And when it come to fair-and-square jumping on a dead level, he could get over more ground at one straddle than any animal of his breed you ever see. Jumping on a dead level was his strong suithc, you understand, and when it come to that, Smileytehc would ante up money on him as long as he had a red. Smileyhc was monstrous proud of his frog, and well he might be, for fellers that had travelled and benhc everywheres all said he laid over any frog that ever they see.

Well, Smileyhc kepthc the beast in a little lattice box, and he used to fetch him down town sometimes and lay for a bet.hc One day a feller—a stranger in the camp, he was—come acrosshc him with his box, and says:

“What might it be that you've got in the box?”hc

And Smileyhc says, sorter indifferent like, “It might be a parrot, or it might be a canary, maybe, but it ain'thc—it's only just a frog.”

And the fellerhc took it, and looked at it careful, and turned it round this way and that, and says, “H'm—so 'tis. Well, what's he good for?”

“Well,” Smileyhc says, easy and careless, “He's good enough for one thing I should judge—he can out-jump aryhc frog in Calaveras county.”

The feller took the box again, and took another long, particularhc look, and givehc it back to Smileyhc and says, very deliberate, “Well—Ihc don't see no pointshc about that frog that's any better'n any other frog.”

“Maybe you don't,” Smileyhc says. “Maybe you understand frogs, and maybe you don't understand 'em; maybe you've had experience, and maybe you ain'thc only a amature, as it were. Anyways, I've got my opinion, and I'll reskhc forty dollars that he can outjump aryhc frog in Calaveras county.”

And the fellerhc studied a minute, and then says, kinder sad, like, “Well—I'm only a stranger here, and I ain'thc got no frog—but if I hadhc a frog I'd bet you.”

And then Smileyhc says, “That's all right—that's all right—if you'll hold my box a minute I'll go and get you a frog;” and so

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the feller took the box, and put up his forty dollars along with Smiley'shc, and set down to wait.

So he set there a good while thinking and thinking to hisselfhc, and then he got the frog out and prized his mouth open and took a teaspoon and filled him full of quail-shothc—filled him pretty near up to his chin—and set him on the floor. Smileyhc he went outhc to the swamp and sloppedhc around in the mud for a long time, and finally he ketched a frog and fetched him in and givehc him to this feller and says:

“Nowhc if you're ready, set him alongside of Dan'l, with his fore-paws just even with Dan'l'shc, and I'll give the word.”e Then he says, “one—two—three—jumphc!” and him and the feller touched up the frogs fromhc behind, and the new frog hopped off livelyhc, but Dan'lhc give a heave, and hysted up his shoulders—so—like a Frenchman, but it wasn'thc no use—he couldn't budgehc; he was planted as solid as a anvilhcte, and he couldn't no more stir than if he was anchored out. Smileyhc was a good deal surprised, and he was disgusted too, but he didn't have no idea what the matter was, of course.

The feller took the money and started away, and when he was going out at the door he sorter jerked his thumb over his shoulderhc—this wayhc—at Dan'l, and says again, very deliberate, “Well—Ihc don't see no pointshc about that frog that's any better'n any other frog.”

Smileyhc he stood scratching his head and looking down at Dan'l a long time, and at last he says, “I do wonder what in the nation that frog throwedhc off for—I wonder if there ain'thc something the matter with him—he 'pears to look mighty baggy, somehow”e—and he ketched Dan'l by the nap of the neck, and lifted him uphc and says, “Why blame my cats if he don't weigh five pound”—and turned him upside down, and he belched out abouthc ate double-handful of shot. And then he see how it was, and he was the maddest man—he set the frog down and took out after that feller, but he never ketched him. And——

Here Simon Wheeler heard his name called from the front-yard, and got up to go and seehc what was wanted. And turning to me as he moved away, he said: “Just sithc where you are, stranger, and rest easy—I ain'thc going to be gone a second.”

But by your leave,hc I did not think that a continuation of the

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history of the enterprisinghc vagabondhc Jim Smileyhc would be likely to afford me much information concerning the Rev. Leonidas W. Smileyhc, and so I started away.

At the door I met the sociable Wheeler returning, and he buttonholed me and recommenced:

“Well, thish-yer Smileyhc had a yaller one-eyed cowhc that didn't have no tailhc only justhc a short stump like a bannanner, and——”

“O, cursehc Smileyhc and his afflicted cow!” I muttered, good-naturedly, andhc bidding the old gentleman good-day, I departed.tehc

Yours, truly,

Mark Twain.hc